so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
