These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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