Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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