This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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