Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
