her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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