let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
