We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
