you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize