Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
