Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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