He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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