After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
