you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
