So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
