I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
