she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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