I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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