its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no you cant smoke seaweed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
