Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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