I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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