So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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