We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
