She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
