Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
