i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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