Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
