I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
