ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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