R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
