I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
