i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
