ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize