____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
