Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
