What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
