he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
