I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
