I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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