I heard we made out
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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