Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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