sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
