you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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