Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
