I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
