You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
