hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
