just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
