it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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