dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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