We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
