That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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