Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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