you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
