I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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