I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
