I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
