She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
