I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
