I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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