im about as happy as oj after his trial
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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