your parents love me but you hate me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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