Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
