THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
