Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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