I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
