i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
