Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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