This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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