The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
